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angelofdespair Profile
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Registered: 02-2009
Posts: 227
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The diary of the worthless pathetic person that is me *trig everything*


Il put "proper info! like history of sh ect in later. For the moment i just want to rant

cos grr i cant take anymore. im gonna have to sh before i go to college. im Fucucking hurting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im scared im so !@#$ scared im falling apart and all thease stupid idiots think im fine. i got taken of my AD cos im "all better" arrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhh if im better wy the hell am i slashing open my skin worse then ever i just want to slash untill all the badness goes i cant !@#$ do this. i cant do thease exams, i cant g out in public. I just cant do it.

Last edited by angelofdespair, 3/6/09, 10:57


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"I dream in darkness, I sleep to die
Erase the silence, Erase my life"

Weight goals:
CW:9.9 stone
HW:11.3 stone
LW:8.0 stone
GW 1:9.0 Stone
GW 2: 8.0 stone
3/6/09, 10:56 Link to this post   
 
ScattyCat Profile
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Registered: 12-2005
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 17975
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Oh Angel emoticon I am sorry you feel like this. Can you go back to your Dr and ask to go back on your AD's? I really think taking you off those when you have all this change and pressure coming up was a really bad idea. They should have known better than that. I really think you ought to try and get an app with your GP to talk things over. You can recognise these signs as things starting to come apart again. Early recognition is a good thing, as long as you follow it up with early intervention. Please try getting in touch with your GP. Keep strong. I am thinking of you. xxxxxxxxxx

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3/6/09, 15:02 Link to this post   
 
angelofdespair Profile
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Registered: 02-2009
Posts: 227
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Mentally and physically exausted.... cant keep fighting this. i want to harm

---
"I dream in darkness, I sleep to die
Erase the silence, Erase my life"

Weight goals:
CW:9.9 stone
HW:11.3 stone
LW:8.0 stone
GW 1:9.0 Stone
GW 2: 8.0 stone
4/6/09, 19:02 Link to this post   
 
TabbyCat666 Profile
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Registered: 03-2006
Posts: 4103
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*hugs* hope you are ok... please dont do anything silly.. you can call or text whenever... ok?!
*hugs* xxx

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Shattered Halos
4/6/09, 19:25 Link to this post   
 
ScattyCat Profile
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Registered: 12-2005
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 17975
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Hey Angel. I am sorry you feel so tired emoticon Is there a way you can get some time out, some quiet, to have a rest and a think? Look after yourself. You are strong. Please be careful. xxxxxxxx

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4/6/09, 20:32 Link to this post   
 
angelofdespair Profile
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Still so tired.. got some new double edge blades and still havnt used my scapel. i wanna see if i can get to my collar bone theirs harly any fat their so itl be easy i assume. Oh and i did say id say more stuff about me. so em im called bridie (just relised i hjavnt given my name on here:p) my idiot doctor has taken me of AD so everyone thinks im fine, i no longer have a psyce are counsiller. and my sh is getting worse then ever. sorry full of self pity m !@#$ pathetic. i jusst want ot torture myself till i cant take any more. lol but my pain tolerence is going up. oh i intend to get a needle for teken bloodout of veins soon. itl be fun.. well not fun bbt i doont like blood being in me... and intend to get some emla cream... and od's il start od-ing soon. I have my next su attemp planned soon ( i odnt do su attemps propally im more of a russian rullette fan, taken a potentually lethal od and going to sleep not knowing if il wake up again.. are looking for arterys and stuff.. i dont have what it takes to su properly i gues. god know i know how to do it and make sure it works. hmm sorry il shut up. feel free to delete this i know its triggering as hell but meh i like i dunno admitting im not ok? i guess i dunno il shut up

---
"I dream in darkness, I sleep to die
Erase the silence, Erase my life"

Weight goals:
CW:9.9 stone
HW:11.3 stone
LW:8.0 stone
GW 1:9.0 Stone
GW 2: 8.0 stone
5/6/09, 13:20 Link to this post   
 
TabbyCat666 Profile
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Registered: 03-2006
Posts: 4103
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please please please.. dont do anything silly like that emoticon please.. your a really lovely girl.. please hunni.. emoticon remember you can call or text when ever!!! please emoticon i care about you.. emoticon

(and i alreayd knew your name.. i know what you sound like too :P lol)

please take care xxxxxxxx

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Shattered Halos
5/6/09, 18:19 Link to this post   
 
angelofdespair Profile
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Registered: 02-2009
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*hugs* thanks hun. and i know you know it but i never actually put it on here lol:p. and yep i sound hideus. hhmm i dunno why you would care about me im a horrable person but thanks *bigger hugs* mm suicidal as hell right now. i have what i need to die but god its hard to go through with even with them screaming at me.

---
"I dream in darkness, I sleep to die
Erase the silence, Erase my life"

Weight goals:
CW:9.9 stone
HW:11.3 stone
LW:8.0 stone
GW 1:9.0 Stone
GW 2: 8.0 stone
5/6/09, 18:42 Link to this post   
 
ScattyCat Profile
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Registered: 12-2005
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 17975
Karma: 128 (+129/-1)
  
The diary of the worthless pathetic person that is me *trig everything*


I really really really hope ur feeling a lot safer!!! I won't be deleting ur posts so dont worry about that. U have a trig warning and it's your journal so you can put all your thoughts down in here without worrying. Some of the things you have planned sound very very bad! I really think you need to be going back to your gp. The fact that your sh is getting worse should be a clear enough signal to the gp that you need some support. Hopefully the fact that you have been through the services before means that you shouldn't have such a wait this time to get back into them. Please, please, please, get some help with this. You are NOT a horrible person!! And you deserve some help with this. Please please think this through and ask for some help. Im thinking of you. Lots of love, please be safe. xxxxxxxxx

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10/6/09, 0:09 Link to this post   
 
angelofdespair Profile
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Registered: 02-2009
Posts: 227
Karma: 3 (+3/-0)
  
The diary of the worthless pathetic person that is me *trig everything*


I want to quit. i cant live like this. gonna try to get myself better

---
"I dream in darkness, I sleep to die
Erase the silence, Erase my life"

Weight goals:
CW:9.9 stone
HW:11.3 stone
LW:8.0 stone
GW 1:9.0 Stone
GW 2: 8.0 stone
10/6/09, 7:59 Link to this post   
 


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