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sthngwrthfightingfor
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Registered: 07-2009
Location: UK
Posts: 118
Karma: 8 (+8/-0)
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Going after what i want, whatever that may be (All trig warnings*)(journal)
Thanks hunni
I slept okish last night, kept waking every hour though which was annoying. Took my night meds and they made me sleepy so it was easy enough to get off to sleep.
My mood has still been up and down though which is what im back on these meds for, but im not getting as many horrible thoughts as i was.
Although i do feel under so much pressure right now, my buzzing highs i had in SK have all caught up with me, catalouge bills ect ..... i owe about 88 pounds to catalogues and they are now threatening legal action. Ive phoned one today and they have accepted 20 pound a month which is good, but the other one havent said what they are going to do yet. Then theres the pressure to be perfect infront of my brothers and not cut when really thats all i want to do right now, i just urge all day to cut, sometimes i can put it off sometimes i cant.
Ive had no weigh gain from my meds *yet* which im pleased about. Although i did binge and purge yesterday for the first time in a couple of weeks. I dont understand why i did that when the prozac have been increased but yeah i still did it but didnt gain from it.
Today ive had 2 crackers and thats all, i think its because ive slept most of the day. I woke at 9am this morning and got up and made a cuppa, then i took my meds about noon and crashed out again about 1:30pm and woke at 3pm, so im probably going to be awake till all hours of the morning now, but im not too bothered tbh ill just watch some movies to keep me busy.
--- ***
These hands are too shakey to hold
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14/8/09, 16:27
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sthngwrthfightingfor
Moderator
Registered: 07-2009
Location: UK
Posts: 118
Karma: 8 (+8/-0)
|
|
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Going after what i want, whatever that may be (All trig warnings*)(journal)
Things are still pretty up and down atm.
Im still getting horrible urges to cut my face,legs and arms. Im also getting thoughts of burning with the CS again. Yesterday i was day dreaming about it, its my face i seem to be gunning for atm. I dont understand why these thoughts have decided to rent space in my head but they arent going away.
Slept ok last night and woke at 9am this morning. Didnt get to bed till 1am because i was sat talking to my brother till then, was a lovely chat. When i did eventually go to bed i was shattered so fell straight to sleep and slept the whole night through. Think my meds have a play in this because before i went on them my sleeping pattern wasnt very good but since going on them im sleeping ok, so thats one good thing.
Another good thing is i havent gained *yet* so im pleased about that but im not going to get too excited about that because they are being increased tomorrow and i dont know weather that will make me feel more hungry. Im actually starting to worry myself thinking about it tbh, i really dont want to gain weight from them but without them im a human yoyo of moods.
I cut my leg the other day from my knee to my ankle, i dont know why i just got the urge and impulse to do it and i did it without thinking about it really, i really couldnt help it.
Ive been out with my outreach worker this afternoon we went into town and i bought some new lip bars because mine fell out the other day and ive lost the ball of it so i had to take it out and it was left out for a week (and was a killer to get back in) i kept putting the bar through to keep it open until i could get to town and get some new bars, so today i decided to buy 2 so i have one spare incase i lose the one i have in.
Then we went to teeside park because there was a "Hello Kitty" bedding set i wanted and i wanted the curtains too but the argos in town only had the curtains in so we went to teeside park and i got the bedding set too its so cool i think. Im such a big kid i love hello kitty and playboy i think they are so cool and have loads of the stuff
Anyway so yeah today has been busy. I went and paid my catalouge bill so thats one weight off my mind and i just havent stopped all day but thats a good thing because its really helped take my mind off cutting and stuff so im pleased about that.
So yeah things are ticking along x
--- ***
These hands are too shakey to hold
***
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17/8/09, 17:59
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