rhubarb crumble
Newbie
Registered: 01-2010
Posts: 9
Karma: 1 (+1/-0)
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ARGH!! please leave me in peace
Hi
Sorry I haven't logged on for a while. Things are still the same. SOOOOOOO p****ed off right now. Just desperately had enough. Felt really tempted to get on my bike tonight and cycle into the darkness anywhere and hope the night would take me away somewhere and I wouldn't be here tomorrow. Anywhere's got to be better than this hell they call 'existence'. I'm smiling on the outside, but on the inside all I want to do is stay in bed all day and hide away from the world and all its horribleness.
My GP said that I could go and visit him for an appointment if I wanted. Really tempted to go tomorrow. Not to ask him anything specifically, but I'd really love a hug. Somehow don't think GP's go in for hugging their patients. Shame. It's the middle of the night and I don't know what to do with myself. Can't ring Samaritans, as it costs approx £30 every half hour, as my only phone is a mobile. There are no 24 hr walk-in clinics nearby, and I don't need A&E. What the hell are you meant to do with yourself when you feel like this but can't sleep?
I want to be having a good time at uni, but everything's going to s**t and I'm really fed-up with life and being alive and this stupid horrible world that I'm meant to be living in for the next 65 years. Seriously, why do people bother staying alive? I'm so tired and drained and still fed-up with the food situation, which is driving me crazy. I'd love to wish my life away and for a fairy to answer my prayers during the night so that I won't be here tomorrow morning. Please take me away. I've had enough.
As always, sorry for the ranting. This is the one place where I write exactly what I feel, and don't care if I sound self-pitying or selfish or self-absorbed. I try really hard to keep everything in, but sometimes I need to get it out of my system. Sigh.
Emma xxx
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18/3/10, 1:10
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ScattyCat
Head Admin
Registered: 12-2005
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 17975
Karma: 128 (+129/-1)
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I am so so sorry you feel so frustrated. Its horrible not being able to sleep. I really hope you did go and see your gp!! Are you on anti depressants at all? Things that I find helpful when I cant sleep is to do some exercise, to read or listen to an audio books, to put a dvd on and just stare at the screen, try doing a scrapbook/collage book (I find this one REALLY helps, esp if you have a theme!), try googling random bands, listen to random music on youtube, look up things you're interested in. If you cant sleep the worst thing to do is to concentrate on it, so by distracting yourself from your thoughts and stresses you can trick your brain into sleeping. I am thinking of you. Please let me know how it goes with ur gp. xxxxxxxxxx
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19/3/10, 21:47
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