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willowsraine Profile
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Registered: 07-2010
Posts: 32
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Re: heya


Hey Scatty,

I'm alright I guess, how are you? It's ok, why has your week been so bad? Because of your gran and the building? I hope this week is better. Today I feeling horrible for no apparent reason. How are you feeling? No its not good that they notice my moods it makes them avoid me. No there not supportive but they also don't have a clue, I don't blame them for not waiting to hang out with me, I not very fun to hang out with if i’m not controlling my feelings and being “happy” Its too hard at the moment to be “happy” so they are noticing that I’m a “little” down. Plus stupidly I’ve got cuts on my arms atm and i have to hide them from my friends they look pretty obvious as SI, luckily its cold. I usually stick to areas easy to hide but when things get really bad my arms and wrists cope it a bit. I'm also waiting here back about a job this week. It's really important as it decides what i'm doing next year and I can't move back in with my family next year.... I don't think i could ever take another 3 months back there.

I'm taking Roman society and culture, Pagan religions of ancient Greece and Rome, Bronze age Greece and Women in religion. Yeah Its good Hopefully I can just keep my head in the books if things get any worse so I don't fall apart. I like to study anyway.

Oh my college friends are just leaving me out, like hanging out all together without me then talking about it in front of me. College friends arn't completly avoiding me like they still ask me to go to down to dinner or will walk to class with me so thats good at least. My best friend here just appears to be avoiding me e.g. to answering IM or if she does barely talking. Also when I ran into her she was unfomfortable and basically ran off after a few minutes. She’s the friend that knows about my SI. My other friends still are the same tho emoticon unfontuitly i don't see them much.

I know it's hard to deal with on my own but i've been doing it so long. I did go see the dr, she was nice and helpful, I have another appointment friday to have a mental health assesment, She's also getting me into a MH Plan where I get 12 free mental health sessions in a 12 month period. I already have a theripst apponitment for the 1st of september (i think). The doc also surgested putting me on med's but i dunno if i wanna do that i don't want to rely on med's and get addicted admitly ive never been on med's for anything (rufused anti-anxity when i was diagnosed with ocd) Do you know much about anti-depressent's or anti-anxity med's?

Yeah its nice to be so far away, I get on better with my family being over 500km away from them. The town is nice where my family live but extremly boring its semi-rural. Luckily its only 20 mins or so to the Gold Coast and just under 2 hours to Queenslands state capital. Uni is out west in NSW its rural but concided a small city my australian standards but its still real small, I do like it here but lately i've been feeling the urge to move. (i don't like staying in one place long) Do you like it where you live?

Ah that all sounds very painful, I guess its worth it if it helps tho its worth it. Its great the left knee was a succuss and that they now know what to do with your right. The frame sounds uncomfortable but i guess you would get used to it. Still it must be annoying not being able to bend your knee and put wait on it. Have you got alot of the muscle back now? That would be great if you can get rid of them (most of the time anyway) emoticon I hope the January surgery goes just as well emoticon
I’d love to come to the UK my relies have been trying to convice me to come over for awhile. I will once i get some money saved up, the relies come from Yorkshire. Is there good snow feilds in the UK. Your friends lucky to go skiing. That sucks that it doesn’t last very long. I guess it would make things dangerous too like ice on the roads and footpaths.

I work in a discount retail store “cheep shop” basically i mainly stack shelves, but i also do reggies and anything else they want me too. Um I do between 8-21 hours a weeks over the Chrissie holidays depends how much money they have I’m the second oldest casual so im kinda expensive. Do you enjoy the office work? Must be good to work at home emoticon

Its ok its always been the same as long as i can remember. It would be nice to get on with my family but its the way things are, I’ve never been the daughter they wanted and honestly I’m glad I wouldn’t like to me that girl. I don’’t fight with dad mainly because he avoids augments. Mum yells at me lots or just general directs her anger at me, I don’t fight with her tho. I fight with my sister we usually yell at each other alot but lately ive stopped arguing back and just walked away instead. I generally stay away from my family as much as possible spending alot of time in my room when their home. Do you get on with your parents? Thats sad you don’t get on with your sister, do you fight? Wow thats strange that your so similar, my sister and I are like chalk and cheese. Hopefully you and Your sister eventally get on. Thats exciting that your moving in with your bf, bet your looking forward to that. How long have you been together? Just my sister she’s 5 years younger than me.

Most nightwish songs are awesome and all are good theres just sometime more i love about nightwish when Tarja is in the band. I are the whole kicking Tarja out didn’t go very well. I think they made a mistake too Tarja is awesome at least she’s still performing. Sounds like the free to air tv we have over here we get 5 free channels and if we go digital we have another 5 or so extra. You get lots of extra with pay TV. Music channels are cool emoticon

Oh No is she ok? Was she in hospital long? Do you parents have lots of land? Is it far from your parents place? Thats annoying all the shitty red tape you have to go though. Thats great you love it, whats it like? I’m sorry about the phych and being in a state not sleeping and all, Is there anything you can do? Thats cool that your friend spent the night, did you have loads of fun? What you get up 2?

Lol its aright I like long messages, Hope your ok too, stay safe

Willow xx


Last edited by willowsraine, 17/8/10, 10:15


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17/8/10, 10:06 Link to this post   
 
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Registered: 07-2009
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Re: heya


Hi Willow,

How are you? Sorry you're feeling down at the moment, maybe hiding out just for a bit is a good thing, to sort your thoughts and feelings out.. I hope you're ok though. My weekend was ok thanks.

That's pretty good about the heating and stuff in college, I guess it would suck if you had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night in winter hey? What is it like staying in a college dorm and in college in general? I prefer the heat, well no I say that now but when it comes it's too hot especially here in Qld.

Sorry just reading your post to Scatty, and I know where your coming from about the OCD and anxiety, do you get many attacks? I was on some anti-anxiety tablets called Aropax but they didn't work so the Dr. has now put me on 5mg Valium once a day, I don't have any side effects but my dad and brother is worried I might get addicted, lol.

Is there much to do down in NSW, what do you like to do for fun etc? Is there curfew times and rules if your stayingin dorms? Hope you don't mind me asking questions? emoticon

Take care

xxxx
 

Last edited by Evoke, 19/8/10, 17:21
19/8/10, 17:17 Link to this post
 
willowsraine Profile
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Registered: 07-2010
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Re: heya


Hey,

Today i'm feeling better proberly because i accentally cut a slice of my finger ..... appears thats the answer to me feeling better. I did go to the doc's today both for the finger and for a mental health assesment (I kinda scared the doc she was talking about putting me in a centre but luckily a managed to assure her that i'm safe atm) Yeah hiding does seem to help except my friends don't take it to well. Thats good your weekend was ok what you get up 2?

Oh yeah its freezing as hell keaving your room at night in winter between -5 and -10c. I used to love college now not so much it is good tho very social place I'd recommend it. Lol yeah it does get real hot in QLD and the humidy is horrid if you live in one of those areas.

I hadn't been getting attacks often but there getting more frequent now they are also getting worse emoticon Thats good that good that the valium works emoticon are you worried you will get addicted?

mmm armidale kinda a strange town theres not alot to do here but since its a uni town its still quite a fun place. For fun we usually just hang out or go to the pubs. Theres the usual things here tho like movies and bowling. what do you do for fun where you live?

theres basic rules like keep your room and kitchen clean and tidy. We can come and go as we please tho we don't have curfews and we can have visters stay if we want. Nah i don't mind you asking questions

stay safe
Willow

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Alive.....but not living
20/8/10, 10:26 Link to this post   
 
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Re: heya


Hey,

Sorry for the delayed reply, I haven't been online.
How are you? It's funny somehow even accidentally sh can make you feel better, do you ever find that sometimes accidentally cutting yourself can cause a trigger? Glad to hear the docs went ok and that you don't have to go into a center, what's the mental assessment like?

How's your weekend going, doing anything exciting? Mine is ok except being too sick I have to cancel what I had planned which sucks. So Armidale is a uni town, wow never really heard of that before, it's cool though and at least there a few things to do there..oh and the rules aren't too bad either emoticon Um we just have the usual stuff like you's; movies, bowling, markets, pubs/nightclubs etc..

Sorry to hear about the attacks getting more frequent emoticon what do you do to control them, breathing exercises? Nah I'm not worried about getting addicted, lol.

So what other things do you like or are your hobbies?

Take care,

Evoke
xxxx
28/8/10, 17:07 Link to this post
 
willowsraine Profile
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Re: heya


hey,

It's ok, how you been? what you been up 2?
I've been alright i guess, I know but the same endorphines get released whether we hurt ourselfs on purpose or not. yeah it does sometimes, last time it lead to a few cuts on my arms (unfortunitly one of my friends saw them emoticon do the accidental SH trigger you? I am glad i didn't have to go to the centre. mmm alot of questions about how i feel and my behavour.

I've done assignments, got a bit tipsy, went to the markets. no nothing exciting. emoticon I hope you feel better soon what did you have planned? Lol neither had iI before a friend mentioned her brother went to uni here.

It ok, Nope not breathing exerices usually anyway. I often try to talk though whatever problems causing the attack, take a shower if the attcks not so bad. If its a more major attack usually i will stand under a freezing shower or SH. Thats good I hope you don't get addicted

mmm I read lots, am a bit of a gamer, I used to play hockey and soccer but not much since I got to uni. What about you?

---
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29/8/10, 8:29 Link to this post   
 
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Re: heya


Hiya,

I'm alright you know, haven't been up to much, was suppose to make an appointment for the docs just couldn't be bothered tbh, it wasn't about being sick, it's just to get a med certificate...missed training on Sunday, we were starting contact then too..I feel so out of it there like everyone moving on up, really improving and also making friends with each other and I'm left staying downhill. <--- Sorry about that. So are you back at uni today, well not back at you know what I mean, lol..did I ever ask you what you're studying?

I know what you mean about the endorphins, even if it is accidental...I guess it depends how my mood is, it has once or twice before..oh what did you friend say/do once she found out, that must of been awkward and hard emoticon So the centers are they for self harmers..I always thought they only had them in USA and UK.

Sounds like you had a productive weekend hehehe, the markets sounds like they were fun, there's always interesting things there that that you don't find at shops hey? Did you buy anything interesting emoticon

That's cool, what kind of books and games do you like? Does your uni have any sort of sports team like soccer or hockey or aren't you really interested in it anymore?

 Ummmmm some of mine are; Working Out, Watching Movies, Rollerskating, Reading Books, Playing sports with friends, Playing xbox 360, Photography, Listening to Music, Karate, Hanging Out, Going to Concerts, Dancing Like an Idiot, Cooking, Caring for Animals, Cafe's, Boxing on the punching bag at home, Bike riding, Aerobics.

Not to sure what else to write at the moment, hope you're having an alright day, take care!

Evoke
xxxx
30/8/10, 3:17 Link to this post
 
willowsraine Profile
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Re: heya


Hi,

That's good that ur ok, What training did you miss? Its ok don't apoligise. You don't think your getting any better? Havn't met any nice people there? Nope don't have class on monday's, only tuesday's and wednesday's. I'm not sure can't remember anyway I'm studying Ancient History and Religion.

Luckily I don't think she's ever known anyone that she knows SH. she asked what they were I said i musta strached myself in my sleep. shes like "ah ok cause they kinda look like... wait a minute their there oh nevermind" There on the outside side of my arm I think if they were on the underside of my arm she wouldn't have belived me. there fairly obvious SH tho basically 4 lines running across my arm with each one below the other. I will have to be more careful so she never sees other cuts or scars. Nah its just a mental health centre and th doc wanted to send me there cause of SU tendencies not SH.

Yeah markets are awesome, Nope didn't buy anything but it was nice looking around.

I will read basically anything but I especially love Bryce Courtney and Dan Brown. Car racing and adventure games are my fave. They do have teams but I don't play hockey cause its too expensive. I decided not to play soccer.

Cool, What are you fave movies? What kinds of games do you like? What music do you like? Who have you seen live? Rollerblading is awesome although I can only do it when i'm back at my parents.

Hope your well,

Willow



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1/9/10, 9:13 Link to this post   
 
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Re: heya


Hi,

How are you? How's your weekend going? I missed roller derby training, hmmm...on the 12 September we have our written and physical exam as well as a speed test to pass to level 2..the more and more I go although I love it heaps...it's like I am constantly self sabotaging myself, my mind is... I know I won't pass though as I am the worst out the group.

Anyways enough about me...that's great you only have class on Tuesdays & Wednesdays, ancient history and religion sound great subjects to study, especially ancient history (depending on the topic) are they hard subjects? Are you wanting to make a career out of them when you finish?

That's good (well not good in that way but for you) that your friend didn't realize they were sh cuts, how do you think she would react if she knew? Are you worried and having to be cautious sh-ing on your arms? I ask because I usually do it where it can't be seen besides that once I burnt my inner forearm.

Cool, What type of books are they? I've never read any books from those authors before? I like fiction books and some memoirs based around real life depending on what it is about and I must admit I like chick lit. My fav books would be
Belle de Jour, Belle de jour: The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl, Diary of a Jetsetting Call Girl, Diary of a Married Call Girl, Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl, In My Skin, The Bell Jar.

ooh cool, car cars and adventures are fun emoticon Do you have any particular game(s) you like playing? What gaming console do you have? I like fighting, adventure, shooting.

My all time favourite music genre is grunge and I also like metal and hardcore techno/trance/house. I like;
Alice in Chains, Babes in Toyland, Dresden Dolls, Killing Heidi, Mudhoney, Nirvana, Papa Roach, Psycroptic, Regurgitator, Run DMC, Silver Chair, Sonic Youth, Sound Garden, Stone Temple Pilots, Zico Chain, The Bled, The Used. What kind of genres do you like and what are your favourite bands?

I haven't seen too many live although I do like concerts, my list seems kinda lame lol and most of the bands I like aren't together anymore... Rogue Traders x2, Kelly Clarkson, Taste of Chaos 2007 (Aiden, The Bled, Rise Against, The Used, Gallows, Drop Dead Gorgeous) Black Eyed Peas. Which bands have you seen live? What about movies and tv, do you have any favs?

Well I better be getting to bed, gotta get up early tomorrow. Talk Soon

Take Care

Evoke
xxxx
3/9/10, 15:46 Link to this post
 
willowsraine Profile
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Re: heya


Sorry for the seriously late reply, things have been busy lately and when I have had time I havn't been on my computer or on my own to post here emoticon

Im alright i guess how have you been? my weekend was ok i went to the movies wednesday, thursday and frienday were fun tho i caught up with friends and went nightclubbing on thursday it was ladies night so i got free drinks as well emoticon how was ur weekend?

awesome i'd love to try roller derby, I hope you do well let me know how it went, emoticon the mind and all the self sabotaging is horrible I know how that feels emoticon

Strangly I wish i had more class time, Some are hard while others arn't. Id love to work in musuems like be a curator but i doubt that will ever happen. Are you still in High school? or do you do other study?

Yeah I know what you mean, unfortunitly another friend has now seen them (although kinda faded) and I don't think she belived me at all emoticon I think this will stop me cutting up my arms for awhile. Im not really sure how my first friend would react proberly think i was stupid, crazy, and/or attention seeking. I prefer to SH or my arrms, hands and especially wrists but I generally do it where I can hide it easier. They don't help as much as cutting or burning my arms tho.

Bryce Courtney writes more realistic fiction and Dan Brown wrote the da vinci code and angels and demons. I loved the bell jar read it quite a few times sad book tho.

my faves are the need for speed ones, fable 1 and 2, Forza 2, also viva pinyta lol I have a xbox 360 I also love warcraft 3 and the age of empires/mythology ones on PC. What are your fave games?

I love quite a few you had on your list I basically listen to anything but my fave genres are punk, indie, grunge, scremo, metal, and altenitive rock.
Fave bands are: Jack off Jill, H.I.M, Nightwish, Ramstien, bullet for my valentine, the Used, Kisschassy, All american rejects, My Chemical Romance, Garbage, Tegan and Sarah, An Horse, .....

I've seen basically no one live mines way more lame then yours, Im usually At least 500km away from a concert I want to go to, Ive only seen All American rejects, Simple plan, The used, Kisschassy And My Chemical Romance.

TV My fave shows are House, Greys anatomy, Bones, Charmed, Buffy, The L word and Xena
Movies: Too many to choose from but some of my faves are: 10 Things I hate about you, Ginger snaps 1 and 2, Beauty and the Beast, Underworld, Imangine me and you. ..... What about you?

Hope your well

Sorry again for being so slack

Willow xx

---
Alive.....but not living
12/9/10, 8:45 Link to this post   
 


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